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Joke of the Day

"Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!"

"Special thanks to my dictionary for explaining the definition of ""many"" It means a lot."

"What were Nazi turkeys forced to do each Thanksgiving? Goebel Goebbels."

"I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Why do lesbians shop at Dunham's? Because they don't like Dick's."

"Did you hear about the boy born with no eyelids? Doctors decided to make some for him out of his foreskin. They say that the boy is doing fine now, but he's a little cock-eyed."

"Finding Nemo. Grilling Nemo. Eating Nemo."

"I hate ramen noodles. *Checks bank account balance* I love ramen noodles!"

"Always be yourself... Unless you run into one of your exes... Then... Be a WAY more successful version of yourself..."

"Did you hear that Elon Musk announced plans for a restaurant on the moon? He said we can count on good food but no atmosphere."