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Joke of the Day

"I like walking up to any bald guy wearing sunglasses and saying ""Excuse me but I'm supposed to meet a guy named Pitbull here, are you him?"""

"[wife in labor] *i press play on cassette {Ice Cube - You Can Do It} Wife:WHAT THE HELL Me: sorry hun *ff to {SaltNPeppa - Push It}"

"When I go down on you, it makes you very happy. And when I come back up I will fuck you good and hard. What am I? Gas prices."

"What is the black stuff between elephants' toes? Slow natives"

"How do you know Jesus was Jewish? He lived at home until he was 30. He went into his fathers business. He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god."

"It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency"

"Copernicus was trying to figure out why the Sun set at night and rose during the day. Then it dawned on him."

"What do married people do for fun? Get divorced."

"You know you're awesome when Facebook suggests people you have already had sex with."

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison."