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Joke of the Day

"Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? He doesn't want anybody to know he fuc%ing the chicken"

"GF: I'm leaving with the kids if you don't stop pretending our house is a hospital ME: That'll be great, we really need the beds"

"Babysitting Pro Tip: Make them play Dungeons & Dragons until they love it so their parents will never have to worry about teenage pregnancy."

"If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too."

"Dad Joins Facebook DAD: Joined facebook Kids Status Update: DAD on facebook WTF!! DAD Commented: What is WTF? Kid Replied To Him: WELCOME TO FACEBOOK"

"UNGRATEFUL GIRLFRIEND I swear that I have the most ungrateful girlfriend in the world. Every time I give her an orgasm.......she spits it out"

"Her: I really want nachos!! Me: *changes name to nachos*"

"I reported my own accident on Waze Hence, the accident."

"Whats the definition of love true love and showing off? Spitting swallowing and gargling."

"""It was M. Day Shyamalan all along!"" - The ultimate twist"