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Joke of the Day

"Car broke down. Seen enough Man vs Wild to survive. 20mins later when the tow truck showed up I was drinking urine out of a poodle's skull."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey.. 19 years old & full of coke.."

"BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl."

"what do you call a fish with no eye? Fush"

"What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy? ""Oh god, a caucus!"" ^^^cuz ^^^he ^^^has ^^^a ^^^new ^^^england ^^^accent"

"Why do Pokemon have eyes? So they can pikachu"

"Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball!"

"My girlfriend tried to tell me an abuse joke But I beat her to the punch"

"When Tom Cruise is driving, he says ""Now in Cruise Control!"" with this stupid smirk on his face even when there's no one else in the car."

"*puts on shirt* *notices shirt has OBVIOUS stain* *takes off shirt* *hangs back up for future attempt at wearing shirt*"