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Joke of the Day

"Cardinal: Ordinations are down Pope: Maybe a recruiting poster? C: Slogan? P: ""We separate the men from the boys!"" C: Um... Any other ideas?"

"Food just tastes better upside-down 1. upside-down cake 2. hamburgers 3. not cereal tho 4. oh no cereal is everywhere 5. why did I do this"

"I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?"

"Oman and Yemen should switch names because if you find out you're gonna live in Oman, you go ""yeah man!!"" but if you find out you're gonna live in Yemen, you go ""oh man..."" Im so sorry"

"I wasn't on the Titanic but my iPhone just dropped to 2% so I think I get the gist."

"""Please don't do this."" - my voice mail greeting"

"Did you hear about the arms dealer who's giving away M18 Claymores with every purchase? Oh, I'm gonna get mines."

"Shhh don't talk, I'm imagining you smart."

"Her: Are you okay? Me: Yea, Great! This isn't even my blood!"

"The worst thing about a prison tattoo is always having to explain why you got a tattoo of a prison."