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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about my time machine? I sold it next week"

"Here's a bit of advice for you Advi"

"What do you call a car if you don't know its gender? Mitsuheshe."

"Life is like a box of chocolates It ends faster for fat people"

"Why was the whale lonely after his date? The other whale didn't humpback."

"I went to a restaurant with my wife last night and ordered the Hippo soup. I'm still not sure what I'm going to order for myself."

"When I get real bored I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving."

"I think tomorrow I'm going to respond to everyone using only lyrics from songs by The Dead Deads. Wish me some luck at the DMV."

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"Two snare drums and a cymbol fall off a cliff... Ba-dum tchh!"