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Joke of the Day

"My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building. Turns out they were firefighters."

"It's all fun and games until you realize you're the girl at work known as ""how is she still employed."""

"My costume budget is pretty slim, so I'm going as 'disinterested millennial' for Halloween this year."

"Murphy's wife told him he should put a pair of clean socks on every day. By Friday he couldn't get his boots on."

"No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch"

"Ladies what's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber"

"I said this to a mom I met at the park If you were a Galaxy, you'd be the Milfy Way."

"guard your heart, cater to no man's ego, honor your own time and your energy, don't use uber. happy 2015."

"Remember that you are unique Just like everyone else."

"Everytime I hold someone's baby, I whisper ""You aint shit"" into their ear. Just to bring their huge baby-ego back down to Earth."