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Joke of the Day

"An old woman and pizza delivery are a lot alike... They both ""come"" with a crust filled box."

"[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot."

"I've never actually finished the song ""Rock Your Body"" by Justin Timberlake because I'm afraid I'll be naked by the end."

"I'm surprised my son doesn't think his name is 'stopit'"

"What do vegetable do when they got robbed? They dont."

"FRIEND: you gotta go home and show your wife who's boss ME: damn right [later] ME: jen listen up *pulls out photo* this is my manager tim"

"Fortune teller told me that I will be fucked by a beautiful lady today, and damn he was right a pretty mail lady just handed me over an audit letter from IRS."

"What's the difference between sand and period blood? You can't gargle sand."

"What did the sausage say when it couldn't log on to the Internet? If at first you don't succeed Fry Fry again"

"How to survive a beat attack Run faster than your wife and kids"