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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, what caused the Great Fire of London?"" [googles but can't get wifi] Well son, that's when Bach dropped the most fire mixtape of 1666"

"it's about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work."

"Somehow stumbled upon a nude beach. . Yeah, found myself in the middle of no wear."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito Go away sucker!"

"We see you, guy who ""doesn't want any pizza,"" contributes no money, then eats 6 slices when it arrives. We see you, and God sees you."

"I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something."

"Vegans who drink water disgust me. That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage."

"What Pokemon can you find at Auschwitz? Gastly"

"My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party."

"*eats whole carrot cake* *waits for eyesight to improve*"