97827

Joke of the Day

"I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner"

"A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face."

"I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English."

"[roadtrip] ME: I need a bathroom break FRIEND: no stops for 2 hours, use that Gatorade bottle ME: um...ok...now how am I supposed to wipe?"

"[*Wakes up on sofa] ""Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?"" Wife [from bedroom]: ""YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."""

"If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?"

"[God waking up with a hangover] last night was a blur. Whose prayers did I answer? [sees Trump leading in the polls] uh oh"

"Parallel Lines have so much in common It's a shame that they'll never meet"

"""As a creative person I'm often asked where I get my ideas."" Yeah. As a creative person you often imagine people doing that but they don't."

"You know what they say about fast typers?[OC] They can make a girl qwert Credit: sumkid (Maria) and I"