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Joke of the Day

"I once swallowed two strings and they came out tied together. Yeah, I shit you knot!"

"I just killed a pizza boy and now I have to kill another one It's the domino effect"

"I don't like it when my phone puts a word in ""quotals"" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something."

"I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!"

"I'm excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings."

"Have you heard about that new team of women superheroes? They were Ex-Men."

"I bought my girlfriend a new LOTR themed sex toy... ... It's called Dildo Shaggins"

"There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for ""flights that are least likely to have noisy children""."

"Tit for tat My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, ""Well Shona? Do you think you'll be next?"" We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals."

"[at a wedding] *bridesmaids walk to stage* 5 year old: Does he get to pick?"