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Joke of the Day

"My wife's an experienced navigator, she gives great headings."

"I know one more duck joke! Santa Clause to the snow man: give me the carrot or I am going to blow dry you! (Ok, this one doesn't work in english)"

"Marriage is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"My girlfriend said she's break up with me if I didn't stop being a casanova. Apparently she doesn't like that I live in my Chevy."

"it's been 12 years since Shrek came out, I still can't get over the fact that Donkey had sex with a dragon.."

"How is Daniel Craig a policeman? He is in Spectre (Inspector)"

"Parents w/ 1st Baby: ""Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!"" Parents w/ Baby #4: ""SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"""

"Whats your favorite pickup line? Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van"

"Who makes more money: a prostitute or a drug dealer? Depends on who has the best crack."

"Two pretzels were walking down the street hand in hand. One was a salted. Did the other one come plain?"