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Joke of the Day

"I don't wear sunglasses because it's unfair that a photon travels 93 million miles and then when it's an inch from my eye I'm all ""um, no."""

"Found a jelly bean in my skittles like a surprise gift from the Diabetes Fairy."

"My dog I bought myself a dog the other day. It's a cross between a shih tzu and a poodle. When people ask me what breed it is I tell them it's a shit poo"

"How did Wendy die? The baconator"

"Cat 911: What's your emergency? Cat: I knocked everything off the tables now I'm scared! Cat 911: Seriously? Cat: No, LOL! Cat 911: LOL!"

"A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man asks, ""Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Africa! There are loads of them running around!"""

"""Men, we need a durable lunch meat that can also be used as a hockey puck."" - makers of Spam."

"Ladies call me ""the turkey sandwich"" because I seem bland and boring at first, but then I continue to be boring."

"What did the flower couple call their two babies? Poli, Nate"

"Why is a divorce so damn expensive? Because it fucking worth it!"