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Joke of the Day

"My nickname is Spaghetti Because I'm 20 inches and hot water makes me floppy."

"What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage? The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels."

"I think it's really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Steve, agrees with me."

"Just thought I'd let you know that I'm a chronic kleptomaniac... but don't worry, I'm taking something for it."

"""Seamstress, you come pleat me."" -Pants"

"[Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] ""Do you like it?"" Her: That's sheet music ""Yes, it is."" Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet."

"My Favorite Limerick There once was a fellow McSweeney Who put some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"What do you get when you cross 400 Obese Water Buffalo with a Transgender Pimp? Clickbait"

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."

"I've been dating this really sweet homeless guy. I think it's getting serious. He's asked me to move out with him."