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Joke of the Day

"Found $0.83 under my pillow. It appears that I still have all of my teeth so now I'm a little worried about what I was paid for."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way."

"The worst part of Aquaman's day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal."

"Yo mama is so fat.. When she goes to McDonalds and order 20 Burgers , 30 fries and 100 pieces of nuggets, they still ask her . ""Having here or take away? ""."

"I am schizophrenic, AUA"

"I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I'm not even married."

"Coma's can really change the meaning of a sentence... For instance: * Hillary is in a hurry. * Hillary is in a coma."

"My iPhone corrects ""WHOA"" to ""WHOSE"", which just made my text response to ""I JUST HAD A BABY!!!"" a little awkward."

"Jack, do you think i'm a bad mother? My name is Billy."

"A man sitting in a publisher's office has his memoir turned down for a third time... He sighed and said ""story of my life."""