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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo."

"My parents thought I am their treasure They want to bury me to the ground"

"""Always give your food a rinse before you eat it,"" my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches."

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"

"I tried changing my facebook name into Stephen Hawking but it said the username is invalid."

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were in a car accident, who would survive? America."

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"How does Popeye lube up his dick? Sticks it in Olive Oyl."

"Me: Look. There's a deer. Hunter: Don't spook it. Me: *slowly stuffing a werewolf mask back into my backpack*"

"What do you call a young plastic covered sheep? Laminated"