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Joke of the Day

"A month before my grandfather died we decided to cover his back in lard. After that he went downhill very quickly."

"This hotel I'm staying at tomorrow lists ""elevators"" as one of its amenities. I never thought I'd fly this close to the sun."

"Wearin' aviators tells the world you're a bad mamma jamma who ain't afraid to shin kick a terrorist or smoke a lawn flamingo if need be."

"Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard? No, and neither did she."

"What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees? A graduated cylinder. -------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the only joke I've ever thought of."

"Why are giraffes such good friends? They are always willing to stick their neck out for you."

"What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a uni cycle? Attire"

"Whenever someone says, ""I had the weirdest dream last night!"" I interrupt, ""I had dreams once..."" and stare at a wall until they leave."

"All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home, are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from alcoholism."

"What did the saucer say to the teacup? You have a hot bottom."