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Joke of the Day

"Intellectual Property Carpe TM."

"What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!"

"Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon? Because it was full."

"An idea only achieves transcendence after it is: 1. Published as book 2. Made into a feature film 3. Turned into an amusement park ride"

"'Your place or mine?' Is the sexiest response to the question: 'Where shall we bury the body?'"

"I am always excited during your birthdays because... You're one year closer to being dead."

"Eve: I got an Apple. Adam: ... Eve: ... Adam: ... Eve: What? Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android. Eve: The serpent said this was better."

"I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, ""do you want to split a sandwich."" I say, ""sure"" and then I'm just left with the bread."

"Wearing contact lenses for the first time. My vision's gone from YouTube to Blu-Ray."

"Me: OMG, Bill and Cindy got divorced!!! Hub: I know! He's got a fresh slate. That guys livin the dream! Me:... Hub:...his dream, not mine"