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Joke of the Day

"I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions."

"There was a Brothel on top of a hill, The man on his way up the hill was Russian The man on his way down the hill was Finnish .....and the man inside Himalayan!!"

"What does it taste like when you go down... What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady? Depends..."

"[Sunday morning] *congregation of Catholics disagrees with priest and walks out of church* - mass unfollowing"

"Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet? Because it had too many threads."

"I was about to tell a joke about sodium and hydrogen... ...but NaH"

"What's the oldest red wine in America? ""Give us back our land!"""

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"

"*wakes up in cold sweat* SHOULDN'T ELEVATORS BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY DOWN?"

"Why did the farmer's house catch on fire? He left his home on the range."