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Joke of the Day

"/r/jokes/ wins Friend of the Planet award! for 95.001% recycled content."

"Saying ""unwanted houseguests"" is redundant. I just call them houseguests."

"I became rich by selling fertilizer. I have some very prosperous phosphorus."

"When the gay guy died, why did they bury him face down? So his buddies could come by and have a cold one with him."

"The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying."

"""Will he ever wake up?"" He's been in a coma for 3 weeks but watch this. *starts playing Pitbull* *patient wakes up to turn off the music*"

"Justin Trudeau announces free lazer eye surgery for all Canadians in 4 years... When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying ""because it's 2020""."

"What oil does Trump use in his cooking? Rapeseed oil"

"I'm friend with 25 letter of the alphabet... I don't know why... -Chris Turner"

"My cock-eyed professor had a really bad day today. His pupils got way out of line. It made him so angry that he couldn't see straight."