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Joke of the Day

"It's unseasonably warm in New York. Let's go outside and stare at our phones."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! China ! China who? China late isn't it? !"

"Just cause you have 9 lives doesn't give you the right to show it off and run across a busy street....fucking cats."

"Police - OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR"

"""I gave that guys wife a pearl necklace"" -Oysters"

"if a child of mine is ever incredibly muscular at birth i would consider naming it XERXES in all caps like that"

"And now for the best horror game of the year! FNAF vs Slender:The Arrival! FNAF wins! (The FNAF fanbase will scream at us if we pick anything else)"

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They hate to see men have a good time."

"*eats one piece of lettuce* checks for abs"

"Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football Doctor: It's okay take these pills Patient: No way tomorrow is the final"