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Joke of the Day

"I like to sip a cup of coffee on a Sunday, grab a book and start worrying about Monday."

"My girlfriend got D for Christmas from her Math teacher."

"well, son, we named you after where you were conceived; that's why you're called The Frightening, Tyrannical Hellscape of Obama's America"

"Wish I had a neck like an owl so when a guy is spooning me right after sex I could turn my head all the way around and say that was awful"

"I like to put my passengers as ease by pointing out where all the airbags are. Ending the safety message with ""Just in case I crash again"""

"Marvel at this joke. What do you call an Asgardian instrument specialist with an attitude problem? A Thor Luthier."

"Why is golf named ""golf""? Because all the other fore letter words were taken (Thanks to /u/bonerfar... this now makes sense...)"

"[interview] HIM: have u ever bribed anyone? ME: *pulls a package of OREO's from briefcase and slides across table* depends on who's asking"

"Mr. Rogers misled kids by making them believe that running into people you know is good."

"What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline."