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Joke of the Day

"Dating is hard because guys are like ""You're hot, can we do butt stuff yet?"" and girls are like ""It's been 3 days, where's my ring?"""

"I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet."

"What is a bullfighter's favourite type of car? A cabri - ole"

"Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline."

"While shopping for a new phone I found that they offer this thing called 'phone calls'. Has anyone used this? Is it an app?"

"How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship? 9/11"

"What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference? You probably won't get it."

"Why do cows have hooves and not feet? Because they lactose."

"""Why didn't any of you go back and kill Hitler?"" TIME TRAVELER: We prioritized stopping Zortho the Endless Scourge in 1935. ""Who?"" TT: Bingo"

"My wife asked me what I was doing today... ...I said ""nothing."" She said, ""You did that yesterday."" I replied, ""I wasn't finished."""