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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to bed tonight at a reasonable hour so I can be extremely obnoxious at an unreasonable hour tomorrow."

"A really funny joke. http://youtu.be/h8ycKKA7LZI A work-in-progress from my stand-up set. Tell me what you think!"

"This joke didn't just happen by chance It was punintentional"

"I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women..."

"Great Gatsby (2013), Wolf of Wallstreet (2013), Django Unchained (2012): Leonardo DiCaprio is rich and screams at people"

"Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll ""Let it go! Let it go!"" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew."

"Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved."

"Whilst having an argument with my wife about housework, she asked me to look at it from a woman's point of view ... So I looked out the kitchen window."

"My house is really small until I can't find my phone."

"Do you know why I don't like simple chord progressions? They give me the EBGBs."