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Joke of the Day

"If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber"

"When a necrophiliac goes to a funeral... He gets mourning wood."

"Irony= someone tweeting about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says: 8 minutes ago via iPad 2 -__-"

"Life is like a box of chocolate... You never know what you are going to get, but you can be sure that 99% of it will be crap."

"How do you make a 6 year old cry twice? Wipe your bloody dick off with her teddy bear."

"Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Utah? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7 Cos 7 has Ebola."

"My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs."

"Jan 21, 2015: The 1989 film ""Back to the Future II"" showed life on Oct 21, 2015. So we've got 9 Months to invent Flying Cars."

"What is ET short for? Because he has short legs"