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Joke of the Day

"If the movie theater slightly lowered their candy prices I wouldn't have to duct tape candy around my kid's torso like a suicide bomber"

"What do you call a helpful potato? A Facilitater"

"OP started a pizza place. They don't deliver."

"Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay? Because it was a freight!"

"I'm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, tell them, I'm outstanding."

"I like my beer like I like my woman Without a fucking dick in it. Fuck you Amy, fuck you"

"It's dumb for me to spend money on porn or sex... ... that's a lot of money wasted on 3 and a half minutes."

"I want to take my dream girl on a traction engine ride Things will get steamy pretty quickly."

"I lost a pop quiz last night. The question was: where do women mostly have curly hair? The correct answer is ""Africa"". You have a very dirty mind!"

"Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? They fall through his hands."