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Joke of the Day

"I don't kill spiders because when spiders become our mutant overlords and eat us, they will look at me and say, ""She's cool. Let her live."""

"ISIS is stuck between Iraq and a hard place."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 'ate' 9 xD"

"i signed up for the cheapest life insurance i could find, it entitles my family to a tray of Wendys hamburgers when i die"

"CHILLING WITH ESKIMOS Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice? A. Polaroids."

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic..... But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."

"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea"

"Ringling Bros. circus introduces the first female ringleader in 134 years! And now they're going out of business."

"What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart? Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol"

"What's the difference between three dicks, and the truth? Your mom can't handle the truth."