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Joke of the Day

"I heard there's a machine that can make cocaine in less than 4 milliseconds! I believe it's called the Instagram."

"So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please Eminem: You only get one shot"

"Do cannibals just upload a bunch of pictures of their friends on Instagram?"

"I don't need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching *strokes wife's leg hair*"

"I've always wanted to be the best dead person ever But the competition is stiff."

"QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep? ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole."

"Are you ready to be disappointed?"

"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away."

"Steam Support Knock knock; Who's there? Steam support? Steam support who? ... ... ... ... We're sorry, VAC bans cannot be removed from this account."

"Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that. Interviewer: Take a minute to th- Me: Arendelle."