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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where do cats write down notes? - A: Scratch Paper!"

"When those Subway ""$5 Footlong"" commercials come on, every man is quietly calculating how much his penis is worth."

"If you removed every blade from a 747's engines and laid them end to end, you'd go to prison for rendering useless a $357 million aircraft."

"I hate being bipolar... But it's also pretty awesome sometimes."

"Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought."

"[On a date] Date: So what do you do? Me: I'm a taxidermist Date: Oh... wow. Fox: And a ventriloquist"

"Hey! I got a new job working in quality control at a knickers factory! I'll be pulling down about 800 a week."

"You guys hear the one about the little French pig? It cried Oui Oui Oui all the way home."

"What did the magician say to the cell? Might I conjure Ya?"

"My wife asked, ""How do cheese strings work?"" I started to laugh, but then I stopped. How do cheese strings work?"