95070

Joke of the Day

"One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like ""Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"""

"Can you believe this guy watching porn on the bus over my shoulder?"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. I'll see myself out now."

"""What should we name this fruit?"" ""Passion!"" ""..."" ""..."" ""Let's not let Todd name any more fruits."""

"Personally I feel Romeo and Juliet could have handled the situation better."

"If you can't pee, Urine trouble."

"The trouble with cops is if one's a douchebag you can't ask to speak to a manager."

"""There is no spoon"" -Post-Coital Keanu Reeves"

"I really want to try sado-necro-beastiality... But I feel like I'd just be flogging a dead horse."

"Roman Centurion walks into a bar... ...holds up two fingers and says, ""I'll have five beers, please."""