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Joke of the Day

"All I wanna do is [gun shot noise] [cash register noise] [organ noise] [saxophone noise] [cow noise] [cat noise] Fix this broken synthesizer"

"Where did the suicide bomber go when he died? EVERYWHERE!"

"My girlfriend wrote 'Will you marry me?' on a piece of paper and hid it in my sandwich. Unfortunately I didn't see it and ate the lot. Not to worry though, I pooped the question this morning."

"Fidel Castro was alive?"

"As a professional standup comedian I never do self-derogatory jokes I keep my personal life away from my professional life."

"Barry hoped one of the almost dozen puns he told his son would make him laugh. No pun in ten did."

"What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear."

"Yogi Bear: You gonna eat that? Hiker: THAT'S A BABY. YB: And I'm a talking bear. Hiker: YB: Hiker: YB: So where are we on that baby?"

"I don't have time to babysit ppl's feelings. Speak up. How I'm suppose to know what's wrong with you?"

"What's the difference between a sigh a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear."