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Joke of the Day

"You're an embarrassment to the human race. What are you doing later?"

"I got into a fight with my erection this morning. I beat it single handedly."

"I was so happy my mail order bride arrived today. My Wife wasn't. She did say I can use the crate as a doghouse. Odd, we don't own a dog."

"What do you call an anthropomorphic car that's attracted to itself? Autosexual."

"I went to the club last night... They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come On Eilien... and I got kicked out."

"People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it."

"If I was a fashion designer Id call myself ""who"" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say ""Who?"" ""Yes who?"" ""Yes."""

"My wife depleted the power on my phone when I needed it the most. Yet I'm the one who is charged of battery..."

"Two hikers are standing on a bridge over a stream, peeing over the side. First hiker: ""Wow, this water's cold."" Second hiker: ""And deep."""

"Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased"