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Joke of the Day

"""I have 37 pairs of shoes, 23 purses, 9 pairs of sunglasses & an overflowing closet but how dare you waste $200 on that stupid toy!"" - Women"

"""My eyes are up here"" ~ The last words heard by any guy who checked Medusa out."

"I'm just like every other man... I do my taxes one leg at a time!"

"The ""walk of shame"" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card."

"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. I finally convinced her"

"Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit."

"[at the pet store] Me: I'd like a baby lizard please [later at home] Me: isn't he cute? Wife [heavily pregnant]: I said a baby monitor"

"I play a song, nobody likes it. One week later, every cunt likes it."

"I went into a haunted house today. All the ghosts ejaculated on my face. It was a bookkake."

"While commemorating my father's various physical feats, one friend asked if he was ""shredded"". He was cremated. :("