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Joke of the Day

"Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints? He couldn't decide what font to use."

"Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course."

"Where does the CIA buy its groceries? Whole Foods"

"What do they call traffic laws in 3rd world countries? Guidelines"

"I heard on the news Stoners took over a town This was a high coup"

"*sits 27 hours for an oil on canvas portrait* omg delete that. Bartholomew i'm serious do not fucking hang that in the Great Hall"

"My wife just accused me of being big-headed and thinking I was better than I was. I nearly fell off my throne."

"Hey pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Voldemort in a garbage bag."

"Auto correct changed ""mingle"" to ""mangle,"" and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party."

"When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute."