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Joke of the Day

"Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo."

"Why do all the ladies love Jesus? (spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this."

"How many plates do you need to draw a picture? Tenplates"

"I left work yesterday at 4:59 instead of 5:00 I was technically leaving early, but the difference was minute."

"Stephen Hawkins goes on a date.... he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle. She'd stood him up."

"I plucked my first gray hair today. The lady it came from got so mad you guys."

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,""Help, they've turned me into a parrot"", you are wasting everybody's time."

"A small boy got lost at a baseball game... He went up to a police officer and said: ""I've lost my dad."" ""What's he like?"" asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, ""Beer and women."""

"Why did the fish sink? (This joke composed by my seriously autistic friend Neil, who LOVES jokes) Because it was a brick."

"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."