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Joke of the Day

"What does Michael Jackson do when he gets kids to the top of the Empire State building? Tosses them off."

"BREAKING NEWS 1000 men entered Jordan last night She said she will be fine after a bit of rest"

"Why didn't the old man wear old man reading glasses? They were too on-the-nose."

"Anyone seen the movie about the female eye doctor who's always naked when she kills her patients? It's called 'Lasik Instinct'."

"my dream is to parade around my home town in a red wagon being pulled by 4 great danes while I give everyone the finger"

"I don't know what the thickness limit on the office laminator is, but I'm sure as fuck not stopping until I have a waterproof cat."

"Rice: for when you're not really hungry but still wanna eat a 1000 of something."

"People need to learn how to take a compliment... Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks."

"The best & funniest part of The Big Bang Theory.., is when I get the remote to change the channel."

"Ever since I got married I have sex almost every day. I almost had sex on Monday. I almost had sex on Tuesday..."