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Joke of the Day

"Just found out that my sexy new girlfriend stays in shape by playing football. She's a keeper."

"I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone."

"Hello (Sorry for my English)"

"2 guys walk into a bar. The first one says i want h2O and has a drink. Says damn this is good. The second guy says ""bartender, I want some h2O too."" The second guy dies."

"I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato."

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels."

"If your method of birth control is abstinence... ...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble."

"There's only one similarity between Donald Trump and Feminists. Redditors hate them both."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."

"Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street? It was his only chance to see an Oscar"