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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't afford a vanity license plate, so I named my dog 956 XDM."

"What is mitosis? Those are the things on the ends of my feetsis. Thought of this during my last bio exam."

"Why is it OK for an ice company to commit fraud? Because their assets are already frozen."

"I know it's just bad luck that what I post never reaches the front page. After all, I've definitely seen it there before."

"Why did the religious person give up smoking? Because God hates fags."

"I just bought an antique clock with missing hands. I think it's a timeless treasure."

"Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR? Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!! http://imgur.com/2TKdb"

"those fake living rooms at IKEA should have a couple in them trying to assemble IKEA furniture and fighting"

"What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady? We would never know cuz he cant stand up"

"12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary."