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Joke of the Day

"What's black and sits on top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking in a house fire."

"To the additional pot that was on the stove after I thought I was done washing the dishes, I hate your stinkin' guts."

"Do you know about Bassist heaven? I've never heard of it"

"We're all different. For example, some folks get up early to exercise... And others get up early to eat cookies before the kids wake up."

"Q. What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster? A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)"

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"I hope the all-female Ghostbusters reboot proves once and for all women are as equally out of ideas as men"

"[movie theater] Her: *Hands me popcorn bag* Can you put this down? Me: *grabs bag* You stupid, overpriced, salty piece of shit!"

"Why isn't there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood."

"Why didn't Ken ever get Barbie pregnant? because he always came in another box."