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Joke of the Day

"[hospital] SON: I came as soon as I heard. What happened? DAD: The oying hit me SON: What's an oying? DAD: You are, kiddo *dies*"

"I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said ""Hi Jack."" He shot me."

"My girlfriend makes me want to become a better person. So I can get a better girlfriend."

"So I heard that the hackers ""Anonymous"" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!"

"Is it just my nipples or is it cold outside. They're hard as rock. EDIT: They're"

"Bill Clinton is working at a newsstand. A woman asks him ""How can I buy the New York Times?"" He replies ""Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it."

"What did the amazed Kazakhstani say? That's Astana-shing"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks this morning *Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*"

"Today in 1775, Jane Austen was born. She wrote ""Sense & Sensibility,"" ""Pride & Prejudice,"" and ""Lust & Lunchables."""

"Giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails."