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Joke of the Day

"I was buying milk in a plastic bottle and the guy behind me was buying milk in a glass bottle and the power of his judgement turned me vegan"

"When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter."

"Why are cigars unhealthier than cigarettes? Because they're fatter."

"I walked up to a girl and said, ""If you were a drug, I would overdose!"" She said, ""Thanks."" I said, ""Then you wouldn't be able to ruin my life any more."""

"Fears: dying alone, getting horribly maimed or disfigured, people who stick their tongue out in photos"

"The hipster A hipster was traveling down some river rapids. He came across a fork in the river and decided to take the left fork because the right was too mainstream"

"Would you rather have a threesome or dinner with your parents? Personally, I choose dinner with parents. I mean if I'm gonna disappoint two people at once, I at least want it to be two people I know."

"Why did the kiddie pool have no friends? Because it was too shallow."

"Dear Facebook friend that posts inspirational quotes, your inspirational quotes have inspired me to unfriend you"

"If I ever wake up on Christmas Day and there's a Mercedes outside with a giant ribbon on it, I'm gonna assume it has an ignition bomb"