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Joke of the Day

"I was buying milk in a plastic bottle and the guy behind me was buying milk in a glass bottle and the power of his judgement turned me vegan"

"There was a blackout last night... Don't worry, I got him."

"I told my mom that the CIA was going to keep Osama Bin Laden's porn collection away from the public. She said, ""Who cares? It's probably just full of camels, anyway."""

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic..... But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."

"Sure laying me down on a ""Bed of Roses"" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings."

"Contact Ad ""Seeking man with ponytail. Hairstyle doesn't matter"""

"They say ""You are what you eat"" so I guess we should eat skinny people."

"Hey teacher, i made a clock! ""Did you say Allahu Akbar?"""

"Amazing how much ""self-help"" advice never gets to the part where you cowboy up and learn how to actually help yourself. By yourself."

"I told my dad ""Look, I got a B in reading!"" He said ""That's a D you idiot."" -Rocky Laporte http://www.cc.com/video-clips/m25nl8/comedy-central-presents-birthday"