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Joke of the Day

"5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off & bumped his head called the doctor & the doctor said U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS"

"I will punch you in the face. OK not really - but I will roll my eyes at you, hard."

"Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego."

"I turned into a transformer last night... And boy are my arms tires"

"How much for the mirror? Ma'am that's the cover of Vogue"

"Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it can't be used until it's broken!"

"A woman, a Jew, and a Hispanic walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""What's this, a presidential election?"""

"Little caesars in Ferguson's Is hot and ready"

"New rule: Confederate States don't get to pick who sings ""God Bless America"". We'll fly someone in from up north."

"My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say ""Gotham needs me"""