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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away? The newspaper headlines the next day read: #**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#"

"Well you know what they say about history. Those who don't learn from history: Those who don't learn from history."

"Some people are glistening beacons of nope."

"What do you call an illegal immigrant and a pedophile fighting? Alien Vs Predator"

"There was a fire at the local university. It was a smoke-free campus, so everyone present was arrested."

"Blonde joke Two blondes walk into a bar, the third one ducked."

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""Unionize""."

"Who gets the most ass in college? The chair"

"I apologize and Im sorry mean the same thing... Except when you're at a funeral."

"Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you."