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Joke of the Day

"Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?"

"How do you defeat your enemies? Chop off their feet."

"What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred."

"If a magnifying glass ever got into a fight.... ...It would be easily intimidated."

"What do you call that gnarly smell around cow pastures? DAIRY-AIR!"

"Dating is like vitamins If you don't go outside much you won't get the D."

"For all those men who say""Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"" I say: why buy an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"

"Penn State has missed two extra points today which is weird because they are usually pretty consistent about doing the little things."

"(NSFW) What do a girl's asshole and a 9 volt battery have in common? You know it's wrong, but eventually you have to put your tongue on it."

"Why did Jared stop eating subway? (NSFW) Because now he prefers cheese pizza"