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Joke of the Day

"""Archeology is just like search and rescue only everyone's been dead for 5,000 years, so there's no rush"""

"If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?"

"Wow I can't believe I stopped a girl from being raped tonight... I got exhausted and stopped chasing her."

"To its credit, only like 8% of doing the Macarena involves heiling Hitler."

"Why do people hate babushka dolls? Because they are so full of themselves...."

"What's the difference in a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a Garbanzo bean on my face before."

"Reddit has become very clickbaity lately Tricked you."

"What do you call a guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows"

"I went to the doctor last week for a bad headache When he reached for his pen to write my prescription, he pulled out a rectal thermometer. ""Shit"", he said, ""Some asshole has my pen."""

"You know your life sucks... when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't. - Sorry if it's a repost."