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Joke of the Day

"At the club, a 6'1"" girl was crying in my lap. I just kept petting her hair, pretending she was a sad giraffe. Win-win."

"What did God say to Jesus? This lawn ain't gonna mow itself."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""How long have you been having this phantasy?"""

"Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month."

"Why do you stop at a stop sign? Just because it says to? What if it said ""Eat 54 chicken nuggets and do a cartwheel""? Would you do that too?"

"Cute skinny girls wearing weird mismatched clothes: hot quirky hipsters Me wearing weird mismatched clothes: homeless lady from the 80s"

"One of the reasons for the low number of female pilots has been found to be.. the cockpit !"

"In the old days when people knocked on the door, you could hide. Now you have to disconnect from internet and turn off cell phones."

"I'm a lot like an iPhone 4. Girls always leave me in bars and my face is busted"

"I like my porn just how I like my search history Disabled. EDIT: First post and front page. Woohoo!"