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Joke of the Day
"Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers."
Next Joke
"I don't like male pornstars They always are fucking assholes"
"I love my lungs... ...they have a place very close to my heart."
"Is this your resume? ""Yep"" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away ""Oh yes"" Welcome to UPS!"
"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."
"Trying to think of something fun to do with the kids so I can Instagram it & look like a great dad."
"What if when the machines gain self awareness they just constantly text us and ask what we're up to and invite us to play FB games"
"I don't understand how people can do such good impersonations. I can't even be myself around other people."
"Enjoy your animal shaped biscuits. Do not eat if seal is broken."
"What is long and hard that a Australian bride gets in her wedding night? Dick"