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Joke of the Day

"Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers."

"There are 4 states of matter... Solids, Liquids, Gases, and Black lives"

"[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I'll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep...um...Is cok...ok...Is...I...what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*"

"9 out of 10 depressed people are not positive thinkers."

"Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents? Cos it's tear-able."

"How Did I Make It To The Middle East? Iran there."

"What is sharper, your butt-hole or your teeth? Butt-hole, because it can cut your shit."

"I like to stand near people on gluten-free diets and eat as much gluten as I can and say things like ""Mmmm, sweet gluten."""

"I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3x while carrying me to the car!"

"What is a pirate's favorite letter? [read with a pirate accent when they most likely say, ""RRRRR""] ""You'd think it'd be R but 'tis the C they love"""