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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia? Aussie Aus-born."

"Visiting grandma (nsfw) Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today! ""Shut up and keep digging, boy."""

"give a man a shoe and he'll be confused as to what he needs one shoe for. teach a man to shoo and you won't have to deal with his confusion."

"What does Mr. Miyagi do while Daniel-san waxes the car? He wax off."

"R.I.P Dense Water Vapour. You will always be mist."

"A guy tells his friend a long sleeping joke, which his friend hates. ""That was a bed joke,"" said his listening friend."

"So there I was... ...balls deep in a man's ass. He turns around and asks ""Hey, can I have a reach-around?"" So I asked, ""What are you, gay?"""

"Happy birthday to Jay Leno. Born April 28, 1950. Dies nightly at 11:35 eastern, 10:35 central."

"What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!"

"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""