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Joke of the Day

"I was awake all night 'cause my neighbor was listening to dubstep... ...and I was lying there, waiting for the other beat to drop."

"An old lady at the gym told me her dad married her mom because she could catch chickens.... Pretty sure she had a pretty firm grip on something else too...."

"What does someone have if they laugh at other people's eyes? Aqueous humour."

"the real reason you shouldn't flush condoms is the fish get caught in them and it makes the fishermen laugh so hard they fall off the boat"

"Danger is my middle name. First name: Avoid. Last name: At-All-Costs-Like-A-Total-Pussy"

"What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea Plaguegiarism Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me"

"What's the best way to pack a dead person in a cardboard box? Body centered cubic"

"But HOW will u make America great again? Trump: I'll make it like camp. A camp where u concentrate on how great I am. I'll call it a conce-"

"I can understand leaving a baby unattended-- but your phone!!"

"Please pray for me: I recently found out that nobody's praying for me"