91281

Joke of the Day

"Why did Snoop Dogg lose control of his Pontiac? The drizzle"

"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."

"Why hasn't the Rastafarian gone to see the barber? He's dreading it."

"Why do parrots carry umbrellas? So they don't become polly-saturated!"

"Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge? One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission."

"me: *dies* mom: no get up you still have to go to school."

"Date advice to women from a guy: Laughing makes you 100 times more attractive than makeup."

"Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can't cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played......"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza comes out of the oven."

"I heard someone say a guy on TV ""oozes sexiness."" I don't think oozing is very sexy at all. If something oozes, it's probably infected."