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Joke of the Day

"I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'."

"No need for instructions when building something, just put it together all wrong & then read them later after taking it apart to start over."

"Me: Ugh. Something I ate this morning didn't agree with me. [Inside my stomach] Chicken Quesadilla: ""The Notebook"" was an overrated film."

"Why did the director get kicked out of the bar? He was making a scene!"

"Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? A. Finding half a worm."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count."

"Santa goes to Ethiopia. Starving kid says in his winding breath: *Santa presents...!* Santa says: **Santa doesn't gift children who doesn't eat properly!**"

"A hamstring is really just Lady Gaga's lingerie."

"damn girl are you my old Gamecube? because for some reason i cant turn you on anymore but we used to have alot of fun"

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lighbulb has to want to change."